2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
