Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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