It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
