Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
