even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
