I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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