You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
