we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
