btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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