I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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