i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
