I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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