My underwear smells like fireworks.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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