I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
