jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
