Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
