she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
