please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
