Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
