Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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