Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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