she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
