did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
