btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
