So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
