ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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