I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
