I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
