i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
