it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
