I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
