Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
