We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
