somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
