dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
