We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
