that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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