and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
