I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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