she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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