How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
