We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
