Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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