you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
