I feel like abortions should bother me more
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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