New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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