i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
