so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
