You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
