god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
