am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
