I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
