He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
