You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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