I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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