I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
